My night in a ‘brothel’, and a warning for my friends at Twitter

  • Post

  • 8 November 2013

  • Posted by Alastair Campbell

  • 8

Out last night to one of the most extraordinary venues I have ever spoken at. A club in Soho which - not that I have ever knowingly been in a Paris brothel - felt like, well, a Paris brothel. It was all dark and moody, with lots of stairways and rooms of different shapes and sizes going off in odd directions, paintings of nude women on walls and ceilings, some of whom looked like the women working there. Before the speeches we were treated to loud music and a near naked woman performing extraordinary gyrations on a hoop hanging from the ceiling. Sexily dressed, smiling waitresses made sure the drink was flowing under the watchful eye of a woman they called the 'madame.' I made my excuses and left around nine, just before the 'next stage of the performance' which, I was informed, was 'much raunchier than the hoop.' Had I been half my age, and in my drinking phase, I fear I would still be there now, chatting to a red-dressed advertising firm social media operative called Madison who writes a blog called 'SexShoppingChocolate.' It was that kind of night, and it is quite a blog- though I can rebut her tweet this morning that she 'licked' me (if by that she meant the traditional sense of lick). The event was part of a series hosted by firm of the moment Twitter. I had prepared a rather serious and earnest analysis of the impact of social media on mainstream journalism, business and politics - which I will also address in my 'visiting professor' (no less) role at Cambridge University next week. But, with the drink flowing, the sexual atmospherics building, the lights so low that I could not read my notes, and the realisation that I was the only person there with a tie, the only one over fifty - or maybe even thirty - I decided to dump the notes and wing it when I was called to the stage, sandwiched between advertising man Trevor Beattie and comedian Richard Herring. So out poured a twitter stream of consciousness - how I trended on twitter after the Mail (loud cheers for attacks on Obergruppenfuhrer Dacre as always) suggested I had broken The Wanted singer Tom Parker's leg in a football match at Burnley - and used twitter to rebut; how I used twitter to get all those signatures calling on Coward Dacre to debate his evilness (still waiting); my twitter spat with - and belated apology to - Louise Mensch; how I used twitter to sort my visa for Australia; how I used it to get staff at Gatwick to open automatic doors which had got stuck as I came off a plane from Croatia; more seriously how I used twitter for politics, book-promoting, fundraising and mental health campaigns, and how my most retweeted tweet ever was the one about Stephen Fry, when I challenged those asking 'what does he have to be depressed about?' by asking if they would ask what he had to be cancerous, diabetic or asthmatic about? But given yesterday's news was all about Twitter being floated and its eye-watering value making it one of the big success stories of the Internet age, I also gave a warning (again something I will develop at Cambridge) that the new media giants must not become modern versions of the old media oligarchies. If people sense the Facebook Twitter revolution is all about the money, not about challenging the old corrupt media power structures and giving people a voice, the amazing goodwill on which they are part built could evaporate quite quickly. My sense was the Twitter guys got that. But when brands start small and get big, as quickly as this one has, anything can happen. The Twitter story is going to be a fascinating one from now on in. I wish them well, but will have a wary eye on how they develop.

8 responses to “My night in a ‘brothel’, and a warning for my friends at Twitter”

  1. The beauty of Twitter is its simplicity, brevity and openness to anyone with an opinion. Democracy in action – if only someone would listen. But it is a start. And governments will learn to take notice, and use the feedback provided through twitter. The real problem is that so many people are locked into supporting a particular political party, or more importantly locked into being anti anything that the government does if their party is not in power. Which is nonsense because when in power most governments do similar things.

    • Often went to the Glasshouse Stores Samuel Smith’s pub on Brewer Street, Soho, in between visiting the various, ahem!, book shops, for purely self-education purposes mind, Vicar… Met some damn interesting people there, various actors, writers, etc., and I am sure I chatted with Paul Raymond there once, about twenty years ago or so, but I could be wrong. Only realised later that it could have been him, maybe.

      S’pose I should mention that I took my fifteen year old daughter, she was at the time, round Soho for a tour once – did her mother give me ear ache afterwards or what! But my daughter, and me, went well up the coolness levels when she told all her mates about it Monday morning at her school in Redhill, Surrey.

  2. mmmm, yes, working ladies, where do I start with my experiences of such? Only had one encounter, and it was Singapore, and her name was not Fiona Bruce!

    OK, right, I was sent to work for a month in Sing, put up in the Orchard Hotel at the top of Orchard Road, where it joins up with Tanglin Road for further inland Sing.

    Anyway, next door to the posh hotel I was staying in was, surprise surprise, Orchard Towers, with their four floors of whores. Anyway, each evening when I walked down to downtown Sing, whenever I passed Orchard Towers, this chinky pimp constantly berated me with “Lady for the night Sir? Lady for the night?”. This went on for weeks. I even crossed the road to avoid him, but there he was, shouting across the road to me, “Lady for the night Sir, etc.”.

    Anyway, couple of days before I was due to leave Sing, had a few gaspers, as you do, and headed back to my hotel, and there he fecking was again, with the usual, so I said “OK then, but no kiddies mind, over thirties only!”. Five minutes later, who should step out was this five foot nine total dark skinned blonde GODDESS from Brunei, quarter Dutch she later told me, and shit on a biscuit was she a stunner.

    She even brought the wellington boot for my third leg….

  3. From my backstage vantage point looking after the video projections, I wonder if you’ve ever considered a switch of career to stand up comedian, you certainly gave Richard Herring a run for his money.

  4. Sounds like you needed some showgirls to walk you out on stage. Every speech is better is better with showgirls. Fact.

Leave a Reply to georgewoodhouse Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

177. Olaf Scholz: Putin, Power, and Far-Right Populism

Does the former German Chancellor think that Germany was wrong to rely on Russian gas in the run up to the war in Ukraine? What does Olaf Scholz think is behind the rise of the far-right Alternative f... Continue

23 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

Why Trump Wants Greenland

Why has Donald Trump considered invading Greenland? How does he think it will benefit him? What is the role of China in the Arctic? And what animals have Russia trained to spy for them? Listen as Alas... Continue

23 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

503. Andrew’s Arrest: What Next?

Why has the disgraced Andrew Mountbatten Windsor been arrested? How damaging is this unprecedented moment for the royal family? How effective was King Charles’ response? Join Alastair and the forme... Continue

19 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

502. How Nigel Farage Gets Away With It (Question Time)

Why is Reform UK's leader not being properly challenged by the press, and how does he get away with it? What does this reveal about the international populist playbook? How can our democracies be bett... Continue

19 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

176. How Close Are We To War With Iran? (Robert Malley)

How does the former US Special Representative for Iran think US-Iranian relations will improve? Is there a method to Trump’s madness when it comes to foreign policy? Why does Robert believe the “t... Continue

16 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

501. Is Starmer Too Soft on Trump? Inside the Munich Security Conference

Why did Trump's Secretary of State Marco Rubio 'love bomb' Europe at the Munich Security Conference, and how did it compare to JD Vance's infamous 'enemy within' speech this time last year? Is Europe ... Continue

16 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

The Battle for the Arctic

One of the most important political issues of our time - the battle for the Arctic. Why is Russia so dominant there? Why does Trump really want Greenland? And why is Climate Change right at the heart ... Continue

13 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger

500. Japan, China, and the Fight for Taiwan (Question Time)

Are Japan and China closer to conflict over Taiwan, after the landslide victory for Japan's 'Iron Lady', Sanae Takayichi? Does Trump’s crumbling American-Hispanic vote explain his extreme reaction t... Continue

12 February 2026

Post

Posted by Goalhanger